Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
