i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
