i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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