he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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