I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
