Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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