I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
