I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
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Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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