I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
