Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
