The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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