That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
