I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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