there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
