operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
