I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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