He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
