I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
