booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
