Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
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I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
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Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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