then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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