So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
