i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
