sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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