i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Pants are for mortals
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
