just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
