She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Im part way to drunk.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
