the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
did you just send me my own nude
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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