i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!