Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle