Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.

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  (813): The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp. http://tfl.nu/6snw
  Replies (22) Good night (3114) Bad night (1131)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy

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  (248): just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy http://tfl.nu/dtdn
  Replies (17) Good night (5032) Bad night (556)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!

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  (816): YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!! http://tfl.nu/o3fb
  Replies (29) Good night (931) Bad night (4947)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.

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  (337): Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have. http://tfl.nu/wctv
  Replies (30) Good night (1627) Bad night (6035)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light

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  (862): That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light http://tfl.nu/4kbw
  Replies (6) Good night (872) Bad night (2675)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you

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  (586): plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you http://tfl.nu/ddyv
  Replies (13) Good night (2805) Bad night (1214)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.

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  (386): I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal. http://tfl.nu/nrun
  Replies (2) Good night (1819) Bad night (778)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?

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  (918): Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision? http://tfl.nu/w6zq
  Replies (9) Good night (2768) Bad night (556)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Did strip banana grams actually happen last night

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  (607): Did strip banana grams actually happen last night http://tfl.nu/pz66
  Replies (4) Good night (1484) Bad night (875)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.

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  (502): Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis. http://tfl.nu/i3da
  Replies (2) Good night (640) Bad night (638)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators

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  (716): Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators http://tfl.nu/mdm6
  Replies (8) Good night (1013) Bad night (561)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...

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  (970): he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands... http://tfl.nu/z4i5
  Replies (2) Good night (340) Bad night (523)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.

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  (713): Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having. http://tfl.nu/8yzd
  Replies (1) Good night (285) Bad night (691)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.

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  (253): I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties. http://tfl.nu/4gzc
  Replies (0) Good night (481) Bad night (269)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.

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  (774): We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point. http://tfl.nu/14kx
  Replies (2) Good night (431) Bad night (253)

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