apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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