I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Let's get the cat blown out
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later