Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I can't open my eyes

(925): View more from California

Lol why not?

(808): View more from Hawaii

Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk

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(248): View more from Michigan

apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference

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(828): View more from North Carolina

so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation

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(712): View more from Iowa

i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(864): View more from South Carolina

we already have meals planned for the weekend.

(1-864): View more from South Carolina

SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.

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(646): View more from New York

You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door

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(509): View more from Washington

I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete

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(908): View more from New Jersey

There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later

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