I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Two words: blizzard sex