I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
