I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He shit in the fireplace
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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