We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
