I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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