I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
