Banned from zoo.
Again?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
