I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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