just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
