he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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