part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
