I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
