drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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