three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
