they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
