my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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