Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
