So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
