the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
