I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
