the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
