Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
