I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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