When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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