Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
