I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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