I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Everything about him screamed your future.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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