Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
