My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
