I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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