I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
