We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
